Behind The Mix
People often point me in the direction of books, articles and Youtube videos by disabled Christians, thinking that I will be in some way uplifted, inspired or encouraged by them. I have to tell you that for me to feel like that is a rare thing indeed.
The vast majority of this material fails to address what happens when we are newly faced with a disability, the one that comes out of nowhere and at first seems to destroy all our hopes and dreams.
I am not saying there is no truth in this material but I am saying it often misses there beginning of the story for fear of the writer being seen in a bad light.
If such material is to be of real use to anyone I feel it must be brutally honest. Look at the healings of Jesus, he almost always asks the person what they want, he forces them, to name it.
When disability first breaks in to our lives who is it that immediately says "Jesus please heal me"?
What most people say is something like "fuck"! If we don't name that hurt in all it's raw honesty how can Jesus heal it. When we first get that bad news it is the first thing that flashes through our minds that Jesus wants to hear, not the tidied up version we concoct when we have had time to adjust, Jesus wants to heat what is behind the mix, not the polished, mixed and edited version but the outages, the bits that don't make the final recording, that is what he wants to heal, that which can not be named.
This is my prayer for my work that it deals with that raw emotion, that is honest and open so that Jesus can move in to that space.